How to Win Your Guy’s Heart

The subject of this article is another source of questions that we get more and more often.   Questions about how to win a guy’s heart outnumber almost any other.   We are often amazed, however, at the seeming lack of penetration regarding the eventual application of the advice as given.   We wonder if women are actually attempting to apply the advice.   The other point that is well taken here is the source of the advice.  Magazine articles written by women are rarely a source for sound advice.   The Cosmo special focus on these issues almost always fails to address the real issues involved.

There is little about how a man’s mind works that is logical.  We men are creatures of biology rather than evolved maturity – nature rather than nurture.  Men run a simple calculation before getting involved with a woman.   It is applied by virtually all heterosexual men.   This Love Equation pits the cost of the relationship – his Freedom – against the value received – You.   We men perform this calculation subconsciously and we are driven to revisit it if and when the relationship changes.

Men want Love, Trust, Respect, Admiration, and Fidelity.   Not surprisingly these are the same things that women want.  While they need all five, the ones in play here are Respect and Admiration.   It goes without saying that the others are just as important – sometimes more so.  Moreover, it is the invisibility of the others that make them hard to target in your favor.  If there were a number six it would be feeding his body and number seven would be his loins.   The old adage about the way to a man’s stomach is well taken here.  Here is what you should make sure that you do and keep doing.

Apply all the great advice in women’s magazines, but also feed his thirst for confirmation of who he is and what he has accomplished – i.e. Respect and Admiration.   These you do in two ways.  First, make sure that he hears from you constantly how much you admire his success, education, etc. – anything that is the reflection of accomplishment.  These are huge and cannot be replaced with any amount of food or sex.  Next, let him know that you respect him for the man he has become.  Again, a monster biggie.

Finally, tilt the Love Equation in your favor by making it appear that giving up his freedom to get and keep you is greatly reduced – i.e. that he is not giving all of it up.  This you do by giving him more space to be himself and go out with the guys than he has ever gotten before.  Men typically spend less time than they think they do out with the guys.   Being given the freedom to be a man does not change the equation but it certainly changes his perception of the cost of having you.

If you are really trying to get ex back from the breakup where he felt like he was not given enough space, or if you are planning to win your ex back, a thorough understanding of these principles will help to get your ex back.